Vicious Circles

Well kids, my life seems to be coming to a sort of crossroads again. Strangie how that is. It's because of a few factors. Mainly because a VIP that I've been very very connected to in Canada that has had my heart seems to have vanished, and I'm left with nothing left but to assume things and to overthink things as well. There's a lot I dont understand, but then again its because of LD (or long distance relationships) that are hard because of the very nature of time and distance. Really sucks, but the I do know that I had to come here to Korea for a reason. I just wish that my VIP had held me back from going if it was really something that was important for him...but I can't say that either, because he had the maturity and decency and wotever other word to describe it to let me go, and do what I needed to do. I just hope it wasnt a mistake. But then I know it wasn't. It's just an interesting thing to plan your future now. To wonder what is next. To try to figure out what you want to happen next, when it seems that it's turning out to be the opposite of what you hoped.
Funny that, how you have your hopes and dreams and plans that you conjure up and try to make happen...and then life has its twists and turns. And again I am pointed back to the quote from my favorite movie which says, "...don't look for straight lines. Life isn't like that." Yep, you can say that again.
Ugh, its all so frustrating. But then its exciting in a way because its a 'hold on and go for the ride' kindof thing. But I wanna control it! I want to at least know how to plan and have a direction in this bumpy ride. And wearing your heart on your sleeve doesn't help either.
Well, after coming to some conclusions in my head and after some really important friends in my life always being there for me...and listening to my constant crooning, I felt a bit more peace today. And I felt happy too. Well, on the path to being more happy. Those poor kids at times...when I have bad days. Then I feel so bad. Right now I dont know what I'd do without them either! Strangie. (that's how u say it in Korean...everything ends in a 'ie'!)
I have to say its true for me that even after all the crap that can happen, and I just want to throw God away, it always gets worse for me if I do, and I always come back. That might sound hokey to some, but that's how it is for me. Man, God has incredible patience with me..that's for sure.
Kay, gotta sleep...