Feelin a bit depressed tonight. A bit lonely. Life is like that.
Had a good day at work today. Got through it with all the other situations involved like new managers and the tension that can cause. Hard stuff. I need to start my own business I think. That takes a lot of planning and money and risk...but sometimes that wot it takes to get ahead.
I had dinner with a friend of mine who is a social worker, and she is trying to get me to go back to school to be an Occupational Therapist. Hmmmmm. Second degree, time, money.

Design
Korea/Teach English
Hair
OT

Too many choices and which is the best for me. Would someone just drop a note and tell me wot to do so I dont have to make up my mind? Ok thanx! Hah!

Well, I should be getting to sleep...geez I just wrote to work. Guess where my head's at? Trying to get used to the idea that I think I might be too independent to be with someone. It might just be better to be on my own. Yep, because I'm only responsible for me, and that's the best place to start out from.

Allrighty..I feel a bit better now that everyone on the planet can hear me..or at least see what I'm feeling. Cuz somewhere in there, I think a lot of other ppl feel similarly too. Perhaps...

Lookit this!!!

Violently Happy

Just what it says. I feel happy but there's feelings of violence of separation from a lot of things. That's how life is. A crossroads of sorts.
The other side of that is that Bjork is coming to town...!!!!! And I GOTTA go! No questions asked! Sooo exciting.
I've got a LOT of clothes. I'm a clothes-a-holic. And I love it...but I've got to do some spring cleaning. The next issue is that it's SOOO hard to get rid of things sometimes...cuz the way my brain works is that I can always find things to do with things. BUT, then I have to find the time to do them etc... The same thing with taxes. Stupid little pieces of paper with Numbers on them...and they're all a jumble, and I'm supposed to add them all up and make sense of them! Um, NOT! Then I'm supposed to tell the government about it all so they can tell me to give them more money! Errrrr!!
Its a Saturday, and I slept in and it feels good, but i feel guilty. Stupid guilt feelings anyway. But I really should get out and do something...but what. Cuz then I'll have to spend more money. Errrr....
Oooh...I have an idea. INVITE someone over! Hmmm. Why don't I think of that more often?
I gotta get some CD's burned too. And that take a trip to the cafe somewhere so I can do that.
I gotta get a driver for this mouse to hopefully work. Can't seem to get it to do that. Too old or something?
All these little projects that I need or want to do. Oh yes, and painting. That's the other thing. I can't quite seem to get into that yet. I have lots of things brewing...but I need to get some paint on those canvasses! It will come...it will take time. I suppose it's because there are so many other places my brain needs to be at the moment.
Allrighty. Here's to the next bit...

I'm listening to Bjork. I've got a new craving for her music. It usually seems to come when I'm at crossroads in my life, or I'm in need of some creativity. Or I feel negative, or frustrated...that's when 'Army of Me' or a few others hit the spot. Yep...gotta love those moods. Not always.

She's coming to town, and I'm hoping to see her. I think she's just strikingly amazing and original and her mind goes way beyond the 'normal'...creedos to her! Swan dress and all. Now THAT'S red carpet! I just gushed over it and her guts to be different and show it at the Oscars. I love originality and the mind that would think that up.

I will survive

Well, lots has happened in the last week or so. Month or so to be more descript. When it rains it pours.
I'm not engaged anymore, and so that's a major one. To say the least. And there is health problems in my family that is worrying me. And directions in life are all over the place it feels like at the moment.
You know, that fleeting feeling of wandering and never settling down. The dreams of your life just slipping away...and there's not a lot you can do but keep going somehow. I hate that I sound so pessimistic but that's how I feel at the moment.
Friendships that are changed...hope for the future is low.
That we're not engaged will be okay in the end. i'd rather find out that we can't work it out now than later and be even more unhappy. I sometimes wonder about how it all happened. if there wasnt anything more we could do. If we made the right or wrong decisions. Life certainly doesn't have straight lines. But what do you do with the curvy ones? And the ones that all seem to end at a cliff that you pretty much fall down over.
Anyway, I should be glad that I've had the chance to be engaged to such an important friend in my life. I'm just unbelievably sad that it can't come true. But glad that we gave it a chance. He means the world to me, even now...and even if I'm feeling angry and bitter and going through the pains of separation.
So now you all know...but that's life. And I hope that someone out there can see that they're not the only one.